Aggressive or Assertive or a Soft Touch?

The way you behave influences your relationships with all around you.  Do you think you are a soft touch, or maybe that you are a little too quick to respond.  maybe you think you have it just right and are pleasantly assertive amintianing your own stand whilst respection the perspective of others.

We all have an opinion about ourselves and about others.  if we are an easy touch we tend to think that assertive people come on a bit strong and if we tend towards aggressive then we think of those who are able to respect the position of others as too soft.

Take this series of quizes and find out where you sit in the aggressive, assertive and passive stakes.

Work out your results at teh end of each section and read the analysis and  the suggestions for improvement at the bottom of the page .

Are you Aggressive?

Answer Yes, No, or Don't know, to each question.

1.  Do you lose your temper?

2. Are you competitive?

3. Have you even been in a fight?

4. Do you swear a lot?

5.  Would you fight back if attacked by a mugger in the street?

6. Would you attack a burglar?

7. Do you enjoy watching violence in films and violent sports (like boxing)?

8. Do you get road rage?

9.Do you play contact sports?

10. Are you a bad loser?

11. Do you cheat to win?

12. Do you get your own way more than not?

13. Are you ruthless?

14. Have you ever bullied or worn down someone weaker than you?

15. Would you complain if someone were using bad language in appropriately or had an annoying barking dog?

16. Do you believe aggression is sometimes the only means to an end?

17. Is attack the best form of defence?

18.  if someone played a practical joke on you, could they be cetain of payback?

Award 2 points for every Yes, 1 point for every Don't know, and 0 points for every No

Are you Assertive?

1. You learn that you immediate manager is leaving.  You know that you have been doing most of the work involved anyway.  What is your reaction?

a) You are keen to fill the vacancy if asked

b) You would proactively seek an interview for the position

c) You would only attend an interview if asked to do so and are not sure ifyou would accept the job if it was offered to you.

2. Do you believe that adapting to needs is the best way to solve a problem?

a) Yes, but it should meet everyones needs to some extent.

b) Not if it means giving way to unreasonable demands.

c) Yes, adapting is sometines the only way to agree.

3. Which of the following is most important to you?

a) A peaceful life with no arguments

b) Being true to myself

c) Being treated fairly at all times

4. You are subject to a queue jumper at the supermarket.

a) Mutter or say something sarcastic to someone nearby

b) Tell them to get to the back of the queue

c) Just swallow it

5. A not so close friend asks to lend a sustantial amount of money.

a) Explain that you don't lend money

b) Just say no

c) Agree reluctantly because you didn't want to upset them and then worry until you got it back.

6. What is the most effective way to deal with a problem?

a) Share and take advice

b) It's your problem, you'll deal with it.

c) It will resolve itself eventually

7.You are preparing a presentation at work (or a suprise party for someone).  Someone else starts to take over and undermine what you are doing. Do you:

a) Put up with it

b) Politely explain that you have made plans and know how you want things

c) Give them the reigns and let them take over.

8.Which is most important in winning an argument?

a) Give and take

b) Self-control

c) Knowing you're right

9. Which best describes you?

a) Patient

b) Persistent

c) dependable

10. Which is most effective in winning an argument?

a) do not keep interrupting

b) stick to the point and don't get personal

c) Compromise

11. Some children are walking across the bottom of your garden - do you

a) Say hello and ask them what they are doing in your garden in a friednly way

b) Firmly but gently  point out that they should not be there

c) Ignore them, they probably wont do it again.

12. You boss asks you to complete a project in an unrealistic time do you

a) Accept knowing that you will be late completing

b) Explain that in order to do it effectively you will need more time, try to get a new dealine

c) Burn the midnight oil and complete on time to impress your boss.

Score 2 points for every 'b', 1 point for every 'a' and 0 points for every 'c'.

Are you a pushover?

1. After an argument with your partner or best friend are you always the first to say sorry even though sometimes you know it was their fault?

a) Maybe

b) yes

c) Not at all

2.Does your heart rule your head or your head rule your heart?

a) Both equally

b) Heart rules head

c) head rules heart

3. What is your immediate reaction when seeing some disasterous act of terrorism on news footage.

a) Anger and outrage at the terrorists

b) Sorrow for the innocent victims and their survivors

c) thank goodness it wasn't me or mine.

4. Which is most imprtant for a successful long-term relationship

a) good family life

b) a shoulder to lean on 

c) exciting with lots going on 

5. How often are you frank with someone about their faults

a) occasionally

b) Rarely

c) Quite often

6. Can you say NO

a) No problem if it's unreasonable.

b) Difficult - don't want to let people down

c) no problem at all.

7.Do you  feel sorry for the underdog/

a) sometimes

b) usually

c) Not especially

8.  Do you tell your partner or good friends about their habits that annoy you

a) sometimes

b) very rarely

c) quite often

9. If you saw someone fall in the street would you

a) Wait to make sure they were able to get up or that someone else helped them

b) Run to their aid without thought

c) Do nothing and hope they are okay.

10. You some tickets to a one off event you have been looking forward to when a friend begs you to help out with something that they have organised.  You know that they has taken too much on and you are the only one who could help.  Do you

a) Tell them that you will help if it is truly essential but explain your one off plans to them

b) Help withput question and don't even mention the plans you have had to cancel

c) I wouldn't miss this one off event I've been looking forward to.  I did tell my freind they were taking too much on.

11. If some at work was on a finaly warning for incompetence and they asked you, would you take the blame to save their job?

a) It would depend on their circumstances - if they had commitments and a family to support or were a close friend too.

b) Yes

c) No

12.Your partner or good friend is preoccupied and distant Do you

a) Say nothing but if it continues ask if they are okay

b) Tell them you are worried about them and ask if anything is wrong

c) Say nothing, they'll snap out of it soon.

Score 2 points for 'b' answer, 1 point for 'a' answers and 0 points for 'c' answer.