, You may have read a recent blog of mine - Are they lying?
That was mostly about people who deliberately and knowingly tell lies and avoid the truth for a variety of reasons. About how to spot them and save yourself the frustration and the questioning of your own sanity..
Now I am going to be talking about a different kind of truth. The truth of reality.
This is not so easy, as everyone has their own individual reality and like a fingerprint no-one's reality is exactly the same.
You all know that frustrating feeling when you just don't seem to be able to get through to someone, something that is your reality.
How do we develop our reaility?
As with most things it usually begins to establish when we are young. Inevitably the culture that we are brought up in will influence what we see as real. Also the behaviour and beliefs of our parents, educators, family and friends. Things we hear on the news - usually the perspective of others will also form an impression for is
Yes but how does that become our reality?
We have so much information being constantly thrown at us that we develop filters. A great example is - islanders, who depend on a boat bringing supplies from the mainland, can hear it long before visitors because it is important to them for their survival.
The brain controls the amount of information in all forms that we take in. For instance usually we are not aware of the way our clothing moves against our body or even someone brushing against us slightly in passing.
If someone asked has anything touched you in the last 5 minutes you would answer no but clearly unless you were naked then your clothing would have touched you. Your reality is different from what might be seen by some as the truth. Yet if you answered yes, my clothes, you may be judged as facitious.
Yet we would be very aware if we felt that slight brushing against us on a dark lonely night. We woudn't need to be asked if something had touched us the blood curdling screams would be enough.
If you take two chairs apparently the same and ask the question are they the same or different? You might answer the same because in your understanding the are identical. Someone else night answer they are different because to them they are clearly not the same chair. Reality also depends on circumstances of course.
These may seem like simplistic examples but actually our lives are full of similar reailities based on perception and learning. Also too our reaility is often based on beliefs and unfortunately as beliefs are just that. unlike the chair or the clothes there is nothing to debate as the only evidence for those beliefs is subjective and open to other interpretations. However, that can be someones reality that they will protect and argue for against all comers.
Esprcially with beliefs that contribute to reality those filters are working hard so that you do not notices any alternative options.
As you get older and have more experiences, especially if you are prepared to stretch your comfort zone a little and experience things out of your norm then your filters get a bit stretchy too and start to loosen up giving your more options.
Therapy is often all about questioning some of your filters that are causing you problems and allowing you to develop a wider perspecitive with more options.
So next time you feel frustrated with attitude, give a little thought to what the reaility behind it might be and cut them some slack
Andrea Lowe Senior Hypnotherapist and Trainer