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Relating to a People Pleaser

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Yes, yes, yes

thumbs up manDo you know someone who is a people pleaser?  You know the type, you can depend on them agreeing to do anything for you and it's a bit of a shock if they say no!

Maybe you recognise this in yourself and find it difficult to refuse a request from someone.

Generally in the long run pps get disrespected, undervalued and overlooked.

But this blog is about being in a realtionship with a pp. 

The relationship could be a professional one or a personal one.

The up side, you would think, of this is that the pp would do everything they could to please you - so you can be sure they are dependable...... well not exactly, you see the pp relationship is not exclusive,,, so they are trying to keep lots of people happy - not just you.  It's not really possible so it's therefore safe to say that being in a relationship with a pp means that you cannot rely on them.  The fact that their intentions were good means that they do not like it when you criticise them, after all they have every good intention towards you but they just couldn't give any more.  It seems to them unfair that you cannot understand this.

Ask anyone who works with or lives with a pp and you will find that frustration will crop up in their reply.

Pps think they are loyal and need to be seen as loyal and good friends but they cannot be faithful or true to you in the broadest sense.  They are  a sucker for someone in trouble or someone they can impress.

It's bad enough in a professional relationship but if your partner, spouse or other is a pp then as you are probably the most certain most reliable person in their lives and they don't need to work too hard to please you, so you will be the bottom of the pile when it comes to helping people out. You will get frustrated regularly asthey continue to let you down through helping someone else out.  It's hard though too be too angry as that makes you seem chrlish because after all they are letting you down whilst serving others - not going on a bender! 

In most cases the best relationship to have with a pp is a casual friendship as you are not to be taken for granted but still impressable. 

My clients often suffer from partners who are people pleasers and it's often partners of pps who need the Assertiveness Training..  here are some examples:

A friend who needed to impress men and would drop any arrangements with her girlfriend at a moments notice if she got a better offer from a man.  She would also ignore her friend socially if a suitable man joined the conversation.

A wife who found her husband, a pp, was going to the extreme of giving away their childrens toys to impress casual friends.

Generally pps are really good at talking the talk but a little incapacitated when it comes to sustaining the walk long term.

People Pleasers have a real psychological problem.  You might think that they would benefit from assertiveness training but many of them can be assertive.

Anyone who felt they needed an assertiveness course can also tell you that knowing how to do something can help a little but if it doesn't feel right then you still have a problem.  Each time you practise the activities you have learned you have to stretch your comfort zone that much more.  Over time it will embed but not if there is an emotion attached to your need to pp.

Getting to the reason why pps need to get the affirmations from others and they cannot respect themselves is an interesting therapeutic journey with a very liberating ending.

This is just one of the reasons why being a hypnotherapist is so satisfying.

 


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