I was inspired to write this blog by the illustration above by Jenna Rose.
It's an illustration of how we can make our children bad or good (whatever that is) and that's another blog.
If you only look for the things that your children do that need correcting, then by telling them they are being naughty or they are bad or little devils etc., the only communication they get with you is that they are bad/wrong/naughty. And the tone of your voice will emphasis the seriousness of the message.
It is possible that they are quite 'good' kids really but that you don't bother telling them. You might tell your friends that you have good kids but not the kids themselves.
The more 'mistakes' the more they have the opportunity to learn the correct approach to whatever it is, but that's providing the message telling them they have made a mistake is transmitted correctly.
If you say you are a naughty child for doing that, then that is a status message. A status message is something that just is, like you are a child, or you are tall. So the more they are told that they are bad or naughty or evil or worse then the sooner that becomes their status. You wonder why your child seems to be getting worse.
If you convey exactly the same message but in a different way then that has a totally different influence. For instance 'Oh you are such a good child and that was a wrong thing to do because it was hurting someone else' or whatever fits the circumstances and your tone of voice is firm but maybe a little surprised, then the status message is that they are good but they have made a mistake which they can learn by.
This is especially important in the formative years btw. As children get older the language has to change a little or the message feels like condescention. So 'I'm suprised, that's not like you.' or 'I am relieved that you are mature/sensible enough for me not to worry about you being influenced into taking drugs.'
As we get older and the effects of negative messages start to rear their heads and make us feel at best unsettled. We can't find peace with ourselves and feel almost sabotaged by something within.
We start reading books with positive affirmations (to compensate for the negative ones). making positive affirmations work is a chore and takers dedication and commitment to undo the negative feedin from the most influencial years of your life.
Parents are not bad either, it's probably the way they were treated. But let's try and stop the loop. Lets think before we speak and try to give our children the best messages about themselves that we can.
Many adults end up in therapy just to clear out the implants from the past. many don't know there is anything wrong.
If you would like to work with people to help them find the best in themselves and get rid of nagative implants then my hypnotherapy course is starting in April. Ask me for the prospectus.
Andrea Lowe 0161 764 1440